Students receive financial aid again, Bense in a pickle

upside down headDinah Soares
Staff Writer

University of West Florida students were witnessed withdrawing thousands of dollars from ATMs last Friday after a glitch in the state’s computer system caused financial aid to be released for the second time this semester.

Students rushed to cash out before the mistake was caught and the money rescinded.

“I got an alert from my bank on my phone saying a deposit had been made,” UWF senior Peter Poor said. “I logged in and saw there was a $4,000 deposit from financial aid. I went straight to the bank and withdrew the amount before it disappeared.”

Most universities were able to stop the unexpected funds before they were disbursed to students because they have officials who pay attention to the happenings in their offices, but Rich Mann, UWF’s director of financial aid, didn’t catch it in time.

“I was binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy in my office like I do every Friday, when I saw students run past my window screaming and waving mad stacks of cash in the air. After I made sure that Meredith and McDreamy weren’t breaking up, I went outside to see what was happening,” Mann said.

Other financial aid employees reported the strange qiuet that overcame the office on Friday. Not a single call, email, or in person appointment occured that day.

On Saturday, Mann’s wife reported him missing, suspecting that he fled the country, afraid of the repercussions of his Netflix habits.

The FBI reports that they are tracking his credit card spending, and thinks he is hiding somewhere in Russia.

With the disappearance of Mann, Gov. Rick Scott contacted UWF President Judy Bense, and demanded that all funds be repaid to the government within 30 days.

With no way to get the money back from students, Bense and the Board of Trustees have resorted to some old-fashioned fundraising.

“When I realized selling my car wasn’t enough, I knew it was time to finally pursue my real passion: baking,” Bense said. “I held a bake sale once when I was 10 to raise money so I could get a dog, and it worked then, so I figure it will work now.”

Bense will be selling homemade cupcakes, cookies and brownies on the Cannon Green 24 hours a day for the next week to pay back the government.

The Board of Trustees will be taking 15-hour shifts at Bense’s house baking enough to feed the entire student body, faculty and staff.

Meanwhile, rumors are circling that students have pooled their new-found wealth to rent a Carnival Cruise Line ship for a weeklong party through the Caribbean.

However, if sailing through the Caribbean doesn’t float your boat, you can always join the hundreds of sorority girls buying the entire new Lilly Pulitzer line from Target.