SGA legalizes marijuana in anticipation of final exams

imagesCollie Man
Staff Writer

The Student Government Association wrote and passed legislation on Friday to allow the legal recreational use of marijuana on the University of West Florida campus.

The legislation allows students, faculty and staff of UWF to be in possession of up to 28 grams, or one ounce, of the species cannabis sativa. It also allows for the “open and public consumption of marijuana” while on the campus.

The legislation was written by Sensi Kush after she created a new position in the SGA cabinet known as “law czar” that allows her to write and vote on legislation.

She believes the use of marijuana will decrease the stress levels of students.

“I felt that the stress that college and especially final exams puts on students could be alleviated with the use of marijuana,” said Kush.

Many of the restaurants on campus will sell the product, particularly those restaurants with refrigeration cases to preserve the freshness.

“I think the sale of marijuana will be good for the school,” said Kush. “Maybe the restaurants should make some food with pot in it. In fact, I might have to write that into law. I’m kidding about the food, but we are selling it here to make sure people aren’t putting themselves in danger when buying marijuana.”

Marijuana will be grown on the UWF campus to allow convenience of purchase and safety. Most paraphenalia will be sold in an on-campus smoke shop, scheduled to open in late April.

UWF will produce one hitters, custom-order pipes and rolling papers.

Norville Rogers, an amateur detective turned gardener, will oversee the growth and sale of marijuana on campus.

“We are going by the book, so the man can’t shut us down. We want to provide the best product for our customers,” said Rogers.

Kush said she chose the sativa strain for the effects it gives compared to the effects of the other strain.

“Like, sativa was a good choice man,” said Rogers. “Sativa is known for its cerebral high, while the alternative, cannabis indica, is known for its sedative effects, man.”

In light of the legislation, UWF will now offer a course in marijuana cigarette rolling.

The professor of the course, Mary Jane, has a bachelor’s degree in botany as well as a doctorate in horticulture.

“Man, I’m glad this is happening. It’s about time this school got a little more progressive,” said Jane. “I dig the new course. It should be fun, no matter the level of experience of the student.”

The course will teach students about the paper used for rolling, mixing and filling the joint as well as the art of rolling and information about the filter known as a roach.

Rogers and Jane will be working closely together as Rogers will provide most of the material for the class.

“Mary Jane, like, that is my favorite name,” said Rogers. “She is a great professor and seems really knowledgeable about the subject. I would take the class if I could.”

The course is expected to reach its registration capacity of 25 students in the first five minutes of opening registration. There are no prerequisites to the course.

“I’m like, really stoked to take this class with professor Jane,” UWF sophomore, Jorge Diamond said. “Hopefully we get to work with some really dank ass weed, man.”

Diamond said that he enjoys smoking the good kush in his free time, but doesn’t know how to roll, so he’s forced to use only a five-foot bong, or a small one hitter.

Grades are expected to rise after just one semester of marijuana being legal for recreational use on campus. Students are strongly encouraged to smoke weed before they study in the library to enhance memory and brain activity. This is believed to be the true higher education.